Hullo my Noodles,
It’s been a while I know. I’m sorry about that. Especially to all you new blog followers that I seemed to have collected just as I started to take a break from my daily blog. It seems a bit much though, a daily blog. But I did intend a weekly thing or bi-weekly thing and then suddenly it all went poof! Into nothing hey? Jammer.
Though, in some ways, it’s such a funny thing this blog too, you know. Spewing out my daily thoughts and movements and scenery to people I sometimes don’t even know at all! I mean, for those of who I do, it’s quite fun- even though quite scary I must tell you. At the back of my mind, I’m often thinking, hmmm, wonder what they’ll think of that! Will I offend anyone? ‘Cos really, that’s the very last thing I want to do here. Offend or upset anyone. Although…sometimes, I couldn’t care less. Truthfully? Most times. And that’s the fun part of this thing I suppose. So …ja.
So, how are YOU all doing today? You okay? You getting tired of this ‘new way’ of life? Ja, I know what you mean. You miss some things, don’t you? And for everyone it’s different things I know but if one had to package it all into a single ‘experience’ of Covid life, a concept of what’s different now, it’s essentially the concept of freedom and perhaps a little spontaneity. Wouldn’t you say? The freedom of movement, the freedom to work where you like, how you like, to exercise where and when you feel like, freedom to work at all! Heavens that’s a hellavu thing! The inability to work at all I suppose is the biggest thing for most. To have to try and save something of the work they had and reinvent and adapt and survive. And then all the time, having this underlying fear, this subconscious anxiety of when this pandemic is really going to arrive in South Africa. Because for now, it’s more about survival for most. Just feeding people to stay alive has been a focus for so many. But just last night just before I went to sleep, I read a post of someone I vaguely know who’s been sick for weeks and there’ve been others. Like horribly sick with all the symptoms I can’t even mention here… And that’s the real stuff. People do die. Oh bless our journalists. Tom Lungile. You looked like a mensch. God Bless You. That’s the reality of this thing. Cyril? I know people think you’re a bit weak in your last speech the other night. You could have been more definitive about what it is you’ve done wrong- maybe apologised for some of the harsh and unforgivable brutality and how to reign in your miscreant colleagues and members, (keep the bloody politics out of it all for sure which by and large, it seems, I pray ) but for me? I don’t want to be giving you advice. Or complaining or suggesting anything different. What the hell do I know? What does anyone know Cyril? Nothing. People know flipping NOTHING. They are not scientists most of them and they are not leaders and they have NO IDEA what the impact of what they suggest could ever be. No one knows because we’ve never done this stuff before so, ja. Do your thing. Try keep everyone else in check who are looting and shooting but please, just keep us safe. Not everything that happens here is your fault. I get it.
So, I’m back onto my lemon tea this morning. This time with some little chunks of ginger and a splodge of honey. Yesterday too. So much healthier than that milk and sugar I crave for the rest of the day. Tea with sugar but never with coffee but always the milk. All day. Love those breaks. Keep me sane.
And for me personally? This lockdown thing? In all honesty it suits me down to the ground. But I’m at a lucky stage of family life and it suits my line of work too. I work from home anyway and all it’s given me is more hours at my desk and NO DRIVING IN TRAFFIC. Bliss. The thing that frustrated me the most. And the kids? Well they’re all old enough to work independently too. I have two university students and two high schoolers and they each work out their routines – work and exercise – and then just get on with it. If this had happened five years ago, I would have been going round the bend I tell you! I mean, I CANNOT help with maths or science and it would have been a disaster for me to homeschool and work so ja, I’m super lucky. And at the end of the day, I have them all around me and we eat supper together and sometimes there’s a lot of shouting about who’s had a bigger helping and why is the kitchen sink so dirty when they’re on duty but on balance, I’m happy. What makes me nervous is when they all leave! As it is, I know my oldest is itching to go back to Stellenbosch and misses her boyf and her mates and her independent life but it’s a treat having your kids with you. They won’t be here with you forever. Treasure them. Appreciate them. Every day. Even when they shout at you and tell you they hate you and eat all your food and don’t clean up like you want them too and then shout at each other and are sometimes just a little too much in your space.
Which leads me onto another reason why I haven’t been at this blog. Apart from trying to work within my NEW BOOK deadlines (hope I can tell you about this soon but don’t really feel like it yet) running a household of six who seem to eat a lot, and having to share my office ( and thus secretarial skills sometimes, not often, but like with WIFI issues and printers that run out of ink etc…aren’t they allowed to go back to their offices yet?) and help out with various charitable initiatives, I have a friend who is at the end of her time on this earth. Yes, the other C. And I don’t want to start crying here at this desk this morning while the sun hits that spot just between the palm tree and plane tree where I sit in my study, blinding me a little and then getting stuck behind the clouds. I don’t want to cry now but even as I write, it’s taking all my strength to focus on my words. But let me tell you something. I sat with her on Tuesday afternoon again. It’s such a privilege for me to be with her because in fact we were really not the closest of friends though our boys are close and have been since the end of junior school. And I know that if life hadn’t got in the way as it does, with so many different people we meet in so many different spheres of our lives, we would have been closer because I just relate to her. I love her. I love the way she has made me smile and think about things. I love her questions she always asked when we got together. Silly little things but always the questions. We would chat and she would tell me something and then say,…so do you feel like that too? Huh? And she would smile and laugh with the most beautiful wide, big toothed smile and that would make me smile. She made me happy when I saw her. Not often enough. We had some family meals together, the odd time when we met on holiday and shared a day here and there but not enough. Mostly, we’d meet for a coffee every now and then or stop in for a quick glass of wine or we’d chat at the gate when we dropped off our kids from shared lifts or on the side of the rugby field or when we saw each other in Pick ‘n Pay. The school Saturday rugby mornings. My favourite. I missed that when my boy finished High School. The camaraderie around the field. It’s not quite the same as next to a tennis court. But darling Sharon would look at me and say, Oh my God , I can’t bear it Dominique, they’re so rough! I can’t stand it, can you?!’ And we would laugh together. Hoping to hell it wasn’t our boy that was still lying on the ground after the whistle blew and everyone else was getting back into position. I hated hearing that flesh against bones. ‘Get rid of the bloody ball as soon as you can!’ I would tell my young son who was generally a little smaller than some of his teammates and generally played scrum half. ‘Ag don’t listen to your mother!’ my husband would reply but we all knew what each other meant. And I would wink at him when I said it and laugh myself.
Oh, that’s the thing with my blogs. I remember them now. I never know where they’re going or where they will end up. So there you have todays. I didn’t want to get sad at the start of my day. Actually, I’m okay now. Just breathing in between helps.
‘I just wish I had appreciated every single day,’ she told me on Tuesday as I held my hand against her body where she told me it hurt so excruciatingly, while stroking her other arm. So frail, so thin. Our tears fell together, hers onto her drawn up knees as she sat on her bed, mine onto her arm.
‘I’m sure you did,’ I said, but ‘perhaps you just weren’t realising it at the time.’
It’s time to go.
Stay safe my Noodles.
Love what you have.
And appreciate it every, single flipping day.
With so much love to you all.
Til next Friday then?
xxx
Niki Malherbe 